Hope, may it never fade.

Well I've been writing this for a few weeks but I don't have the time to sit and write and I am much faster at typing, so please bare with me for a bit. I just wanted to write a post and let people know that hope never fades, even in all the turbulence and difficulties of the life we live in today. Hope is always there and we may always find joy even in heartache.

I think of this as I am thinking of Easter coming up and the wonderful blessing of knowing that the Savior has been resurrected and that some day I will be to. On that day I look forward to seeing my grandfather again and his wonderful smile, as well as some other friends, and to seeing and meeting the cutest little boy I have dreamed of holding for 4 years, but I know they will be waiting and so excited for us to be able to live together as a family for the rest of eternity.

Hope is never gone, Christ is an example of this. When we feel we can't find it please know that there are people: family, friends, neighbors, etc. who care and who will be your strength to lean on while facing difficult times. I know that there are people out there who have it worse then I do, but for me I feel my life has been sufficiently difficult for my strength and I know I have much to still improve before I am able to go and meet my maker. Our Father in Heaven loves each of us so much and he knows our strengths and our weaknesses, and gives us these times of difficulty to strengthen us and bring us closer to Him.

I have had many great family and friends in my life as I have gone through different trials. I have a hard time opening up to people to let them in to help me when I am struggling. I know it is an issue of pride especially when someone has felt the prompting of the spirit to make a special visit/phone call to me out of the blue. It is times like that, that I remember that pride must be set aside and that person has been sent there as an answer to a prayer. I may not need to tell them why I am having a difficult day, but the fact that they listened and are there on my doorstep/phone is a reminder that I have a Heavenly Father and he is giving me hope by sending that person. I must say that my loss of pregnancies and difficulties getting pregnant has brought me closer to my husband most of all, and closer to my Heavenly Father and the hope that the atonement brings. There are times I wish I could just cuddle in a ball and let the pressure of depression and self pity overcome me, but I remind myself at those times that Jesus Christ is there. This doesn't mean there aren't times when I have cried myself to sleep, not been able to sleep, felt sorry for myself, or just done nothing for a day because I have felt no desire or strength to do so, but I don't let those feelings stay and I remember the blessings that I have received in life. It is in these times of sorrow and despair that it is hardest to remember our blessings and to seek them out.

I have recently wondered as I have talked to many friends who have also suffered through similar trials of mine; are these types of trials are becoming more common for some reason, or if I was just blind to the many people who suffer these trials because of how young or how little I knew before?

I like to try and stay positive but there have been times in my life when it has been particularly difficult, the loss of some pregnancies, difficulty with getting pregnant, finances, being a good wife and mother, not being quick to loose patience or quick to anger, etc. Lets just say the list could go on, but that's not important. Through it all the savior has been there to lift me up, remind me that he has felt my pain and afflictions, and there is hope I just need to keep pushing on the doing the best I can.

There are a few scriptures I love at times when I am feeling down.
Alma 32:21 - ...Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if he have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.
Alma 34:41 - But that he have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.
Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I can't imagine all that Christ suffered, I mean he suffered and felt the pains of every single person who has, is, and will live on this earth. I have felt his assurances in my life, I know he has felt and understands all that I go through, and at this time nearing when we celebrate his resurrection I always remember this. He actually knows what I feel and fear and hope and EVERY emotion. I have no need to feel alone or misunderstood because there is one who always knows, understands and knows how to find and feel that hope again.

So at this time of year, as well as all year long. Hope should never fade. Looking back at some trials I see they were actually blessings in disguise and that if I had not passed through it I would not have treasured the things I do now, like my precious daughter. The way the world is going today it seems hope is quickly cast aside when faced with afflictions, but Christ didn't suffer all he did for us to forget him. He is and will always be there for us because HE LIVES and HE LOVES us. Find faith and keep pressing on because maybe in the end of this life we will all be able to look back and see what wonderful strength we gained through trials and what a wonderful life we had because of our trials. It is hard, he never said it would be easy, but it will be so worth it in the end when we are able to live as an eternal family forever and see those loved ones we miss while they are not here on earth with us.

I am writing this more as a reminder to myself, something I can come back and reflect on, for when I am going through those trials and need to be reminded that my savior loves me and has blessed me richly and all I have to do is keep pressing on. I know I am not perfect, rather far from it, but I have hope that through all my shortcoming I will be able to be as Christ and live again some day. What A Blessing!